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| If you don't have a large quantity of food and beverage nearby... or an
accessible toilet, then make sure you do before continuing... because
it's been a while since my last post, and it will be a while before you
finish reading. I suggest printing it out and just taking it to the
bathroom and sitting on the toilet... cuz you know you're gunna need to
poo eventually.
Friday-
It's unfortunate when you make friends with someone who's not in sync
with your internal clock. My internal clock as we all know is
definately NOT solar powered. Cathy (cattierin
in my subscriptions if you care) and I needed to hang out. It was a
necessity, because she is one of the few people of whom I actually
require a certain prescription of company in order to maintain my
immutable level of cheerfull wit. In any case, we decided to meet for
lunch. Of course, I couldn't just take her to lunch whilst teasing her
with the gorgeous tracks of our beloved Yo-yo Ma in my truck (and I
wasn't about to compromise the drive with a sub-par musical selection).
Which meant I was going to need to buy her the CD before we met... Which meant I was going to have to leave my house perhaps an hour earlier than our scheduled meeting... Which meant I was going to need to wake up at least 30 minutes before that in order to bathe myself to a acceptable level of hygiene... Which meant I was going to need to set my alarm a good 2 hours before I needed to wake, just to be safe.
Seeing as how our meeting for lunch was set at the God-forbeden hour of 11 in the AM...
tallying up the equation of logic brings us to a need to set my alarm
for... 7:30. Since I usually go to bed around 3 or 4 am... I suspect it
might have been wiser to just not bother sleeping.
Since we never hang out, I thought
it would be best to really make our lunch special... you know, take her
somewhere memorable and perhaps a bit gourmet. Burger King it was. The
most amazing thing happened as we entered our king of burgers... the
cheery short hispanic girl employee in her 20's said to me: "Aren't you
the one that always gives us the name Captain (credit M) when
you come in?"... I said: "Well yes... the one other time I've been here
over 5 months ago".... she said: "And don't you always have a little
boy with you?".
That's when the truth struck Cathy
and I like a jolt of methamphetamine-induced epiphany---- little Chris
IS the Burger King!... How else would a low-level employee of a fast
food chain remember a single individual over that span of time...
especially when their first encounter was shadowed by my dominating
presence (*coughs*). It's really not that big of a stretch, is it?....
 All hail the KING of BURGERS- CHRIS!!
.....wow......
Okay, I promise to never become an artist, or a jewlery designer... deal?
See... I don't see why burger king is doing so poorly in sales compared
to McDonalds, Taco Bell, and the like... Why do they suffer so, when
they have not only great food, but such amazing conceptions as the
fry-box poker game??
 umm.... maybe
we should... shuffle again?... go fish?.... hit me?... how exactly do
you play this game. Maybe I should ask Chris. It is after all his food
franchise.
While eating the contents of my poker hand, I decided that I was having
way too much fun with Travis' digital camera that I borrowed (for a
slightly more extended period than originally agreed). It was time for
me to get my own. Cathy and I scurried (yes... scurried on all fours)
over to Best Buy. Now... for those of you that know me well know that
if I'm going to purchase something that I absolutely don't need... it
can only be the absolute best and most expensive. Therefore I was
immediately drawn to the 7.2 megapixel pocket-sized Sony Cybershot.
After all, why settle for a measely 5000000 dots of color when you can
spend twice as much money for 7200000 dots of color? Unfortunately, my
sense of affordability is close to nothing. That meant I was going to
need to apply for yet another store credit card. The problem was... who
was going to give me a credit card when I can't even make payments on
time to the Gap? Well, there must have been some computer error,
because Best Buy approved my ass. An hour and 500 dollars in the hole
later... and I was the proud owner of yet something else I didn't need.
Kinda like you reading this posting... except you substitute 500
dollars for 500 minutes of your life you'll never get back. Ha!
Okay, before I start feeling the need to assign chapter numbers to this
post, I'll sum up the rest of the day Friday:--- Dropped Cathy back at
school, went and taught some students, went to the Philharmonic
rehersal that night, went home and stayed up way past what I should
have with a friend watching Family Guy.... damn it's funny.
Saturday-
Wow... I can almost hear you moan at realizing there are 3 more days to
read. I'd apologize, but I can't help being such an enthralling writer.
My gift, your curse.
Saturday started out just as awfull as Friday... I had a rehersal at 10
am for Philharmonic... yes.... that's right.... 10 am. I could barely
believe the audacity either. After that thrilling installment of
incompetency was complete... Me and my past violin teacher Susan (refer
to wednesday's post) went out for Sushi and Pop. Las Vegas roll kicks
ass! Go get it. As usual we talked for like 3 hours. She's one of the
few people that a 3 hour conversation doesn't require me to mentally
situate myself elsewhere just in order to avoid sudden homicidal and/or
suicidal compulsions. I went home and napped. I like naps. They feel
fuzzy. I got woken up by a call from little Chris. He wanted to know if
I was taking him bowling from 10pm-1am (a special down at Sierra Lanes
on Sat.). Of course I was... except I had the philharmonic concert...
DAMN the whole making a living
thing. Come onnnnnn Lotto! That night's concert went great... I
especially loved how the winds actually raced us to the end of the
Tchaik symphony. I suppose as long as everyone is within one beat of
each other, it's fine... right? I just think Kuchar (the conductor)
forgets that it's alot easier to wave a stick at superhuman speeds than
it is to play an instrument. The winds must have just wanted to get a
headstart backstage to the after party. Thennnnn comes the after-after
party! We musicians really know how to party it up. Why... we not only
have cheese, wine, and little melon balls at the after party... but we
go crazy down in the tower district for the after-after party. I'm
talking jazz piano and ice waters for everyone! Woo hoo!!
Sunday-
Hmm... what can I say? The philharmonic's second concert was at 2:30...
which meant getting there at 2.... which meant rolling out of bed at
1:30. I was officially planning to make it to church to play that
morning... but unofficially realized the inevitablity of it all.
Sunday's concert went even better than Saturday's! This time... the
strings beat the winds to the end! YES! Oh, then I went home and napped
till I had to get up and practice. I'm playing principle violin for a
gig in Irvine this week, so I have to practice, finger, and bow the 40
pages of music. I started at 11 pm with that... got halfway done, and
then just practiced my own shit till 5 am. When my fingers actually
start to feel like they're about to bleed is a good time to stop.
Monday-
Made it this far? Kudos. I woke at the usual hour and decided that I
wasn't going to practice as planned. Noooooo, I was going to pay to be
"a paid survey taker" online. You know... the people that promise that
when you register for their website, they'll send you a list of
companies that will hire you to take a 30 minute survey and send you a
300 dollar check in the mail. Wow... it is totalllllllly not like that.
Most of the websites promising a free laptop or a 250 dollar giftcard
send you in so many circles, you end up with 20 web browser pages open,
and not a one of them of much help. Plus, most of those require you to
accept "free trials" (less the 6 dollars or so for shipping... yah...
right...) of a bunch of products before you get your "free" gift that
would cost you like 50 dollars in shipping to even hope to qualify for.
Lesson number one: I'm
a dumbass. Well, some of the websites looked promising... I'll have to
keep checking my email to see if they invite me to do any real surveys
for money. Lesson number two: Even after calling myself a dumbass, I'm still hoping. That's called a delusional dumbass.
My students all came today... which is fine, since I needed a break
from the 3 hours of survey taking that is required to just register to
be qualified to take.... yes.... more surveys. Then came orchestra at
CSU. If you recall from last monday's post... we suck. Tonight didn't
just suck, it blew
as well. Now.. you naughty ones might be thinking... well *love
growl*... that don't sound so bad eh? *nudge nudge wink wink*....
....... but no...... *punches you in the face*..... it was.
Except for the funniest thing ever. Dieter said something like "like if
we had a billion dollars given to us... which is more than any of us
will ever have."... and of course, me being a smartass said "Hey! Speak
for yourself... I'm still young yet". Then he said "Come on Matt.. the
7-11's don't have THAT much in their cash registers"
Current Count:: 26 days and inevitably rising.
| | |
| My mom just came over and asked me to look at a spot on her arm. At
first I thought... damn it... she's getting to that age where she's
always asking people to give their opinion about random blemishes that
weren't there the day before. "Is it cancer? It's cancer isn't it??
CANCER????!!!!! Does this poop seem an odd color to you? Look! It's different than the other, smaller poo"
Luckily, she just wanted me to find out online what a positive result
of a TB test looks like. I could have told her that it was just a
bruise from the needle, but she wanted to make sure. The results would
look like a raised, hardened red spot over 10 mm in diameter. I suppose
she just wanted to sleep knowing she was healthy... at least as healthy
as you can be with Lupus.
Wouldn't you know if you had TB? It's one of those things where you
would know something is wrong. I wouldn't go to a doctor and ask what
the symptoms of a severed limb was. "Excuse me doctor, but I think my
left arm is cut off. What would the symptoms be?" It's like when I
thought I had mono because there were lumps in the back of my neck. My
doctor friend said that I'd be tired all the time and sleeping large
amounts of the day. I thought to myself "THAT'S IT! I have an excuse
for all this waking up at noon! It's not my fault!"... actually... I'm
just a big lard ass that can't wake up. I think I was one of the first
people who actually wanted mono so I could justify myself.
__________________________________________________________________
I find xanga to be great fun.... but it makes conversations with people the next day awful.
(me)-"Hey!! What's up? Guess what I did yesterday!!"
(them)- "You woke up at 12:45, got dressed in black and played at a
funeral, taught 5 students and then went to your philharmonic rehersal"
(me)- "Ummm... yah.... so...... I gotta go.... *coughs*....."
__________________________________________________________________
So, if you plan on seeing me tommorow... just stop reading......... NOW.....
Today I woke up at 12:30 pm, because I had to. I was soooooo damn
tired. I was up till 4:30 am practicing. But it was for my violin
lesson, which was at 1 pm. Yah, that's right, I take lessons too...
just don't tell my students, it might undermine my validity in their
eyes. But you know what? I'm still better than them.... so neener
neener.
.......... wow..........
I only had 2 students today, one was my funny asian student who's in
7th grade. Every time I say something stupid he gives me a look that
makes me feel bad haha. It's always nice to be kept in check by a 12
year old. My other student is funny too, but in a "can't tell if he's
stoned today" kind of way. I actually enjoy these two lessons though,
so I can't complain. Well, I could... but I'd just be doing it to try
to be funny.... and we all know the unfortunate results that incur from a
mistake of that magnitude.
After chauffeuring my friend to a drug deal (car pooling helps the
environment, and it's always good to help a friend... community
service, yes?), I came home and took a nap. That's right, a nap...
because I'm 102.
The second philharmonic rehersal was tonight, and the piano soloist was
already there to rehearse with us... 3 practices before the concert,
which never happens. Hell, we were sightreading our parts with the
soloist. Wait a second.... nevermind.... that's the way it always is.
10 minutes before the rehersal ended, I got 3 calls from little Chris'
phone, all within a 2 minute period. It drove me crazy for the whole 10
minutes, because I thought it must be something horribly important to
call 3 times in a row at almost 10 pm. Well, it was just Chris' mom
calling to tell me a funny story about karate class that night... but
me being the competent human being I am, I accidentally deleted it
before I could hear the funny part.
But it's all okay... because last night, Jimmy Fallon, AND Lewis Black
were on Conan O'Brien. WOW... all three of them in one room. I think
the planets must have been in alignment or something. And if they
weren't, they sure the hell were after the amount and volume I laughed.
I wish I were as pissed off all the time as Lewis Black is at
everything... so great..
Today's count: 22 days and inevitably rising.
| | |
| I so enjoy waking up at the crack of noon, coordinating my "black"
(today my shoes, socks, pants, and shirt were each a completely unique
shade of black... it was gorgeous), and going to play my
violin for the grieving relatives of someone I've never met in my life.
Oh, and the corpse... don't forget the corpse. Still though, easiest
150
dollars anyone has ever made for half an hour of work (except probably
a hooker... although I can't imagine that hookers ever have the
pleasure of fornicating with attractive people, because... obviously
then they wouldn't require a hooker. And even then, people that are
moderately unrepulsive can just utilize the miracle effects of
alchohol. That leaves hopelessly ugly people, which makes my original
statement still hold true...) Easy money.
I decided to retain my lovely gradient of negro and didn't change
before I went to teach my first little basta-.... umm... first little
student of the day. I had 5. I think I enjoyed two of the lessons
today, which is actually a 78.6% raise in satisfaction from the
previous week. yay! When each student asked why I was all gussied up,
my answer was simply "I always try to look nice for my sexiest student of the
week". Of course, for Gordy, my homophobic 13-year old student... I had
to quickly add "and I'll let you know when they get here". He's a funny
kid. Junior high....
_________________________________________________________
I'd like to take this time out to rant a bit about the toilets at the
music store I teach at. I don't know what the standards are for such
fine establishments as McDonalds, the Japanese
resturaunt on the corner owned by Indonisians, or the local old folks' home ... but here at Patrick's Music, our
policy is: "If you can wipe it off the seat with some toilet paper
before sitting down, it's good enough for us." Really though, I don't consider encrusted feces to be décor.
_________________________________________________________
After my thrilling 3 1/2 hours of being locked in a cubicle with... my
diligent little noise-factory workers... I headed off to the Fresno
Philharmonic rehersal. Wow, I
almost felt bad about only scanning through my part before rehersal.
Then we had the rehersal... and I remembered why my habits are. Well,
it
really wasn't that bad for a first rehersal. It's not like anyone died
or anything... and Tchaikovsky's already dead, so he doesn't care.
(Where did the idea of someone "rolling over in their grave" come from?
If I were a corpse, and something upset me so incredibly enough that I
had the use of
my body through sheer force of will and fury, I don't think I'd just
roll over... I think I'd probably burst forth from the earth, dance to
the beat of Thriller,
and at least eat one, maybe two people. All depending on how hungry
I was.)
Anyway, at least I got to see everyone. Yes, everyone... I'm too lazy
to come up with something funny about that slight exaggeration. I'll
make up for it next post, promise. Susan and Dieter were there playing
in their respective positions, which is great, because we have at least
2 voices on the correct beat and pitch when they're there. Oh, and
there's me... I usually either get the pitch or the beat right at
least. The remaining produce I like to refer to as artistic liberty. In case you don't
know Susan and Dieter, they are an awesome married duo that somehow
landed in Fresno. I'm not complaining, since they're both awesome, and
with Susan I get an endless supply of cheer, and with Dieter I get an
endless supply of...... rhetorical questions? Haha, at least he's not
violent... damn... if I were my student, I sure would be.
Now I must go practice more.... because it's only 2:21 in the morning and I have a good 3 hours before bedtime.
Today's Count: 21 Days and inevitably rising.
| | |
| Wow,
today was actually quite enjoyable. I always begin my day with the thought
"damn, I hope today doesn't suck... because it probably will". It's
my way of making sure that any surprise throughout the day is a pleasant one,
because being optimistic means being dissapointed. Remember that kids.
Anyway...
I again woke up once PM hit. I had a reason to wake up, since I was
picking
Chris up from school. (He's in 6th grade, early dismissal, 1:15... you
remember
those days, eh? No? me neither.. oh that's right... I skipped 6th grade
MUHAHA) I made sure I got myself up, since long ago I once woke up at
1:45 due
to a phone call.... from chris....
(chris)-"Matt?
Where are you?"
(matt)- "Chris?*groggy*...
*checks clock* $%$& %^*#@!!"
(chris)- "Did
you forget me? I've been waiting on the bench, watching for your truck. I
wanted to be ready for you so we could go bowling."
___________________________________________________________________
Wow... I
think there must be no worse feeling than that one right there. I felt like
human garbage..... and not just any garbage... but the kind where you have to
take it to a special place to discard so it doesn't toxify all the regular
garbage.
___________________________________________________________
Since this time I
was perfectly punctual, we sped to the bank (there's only one
obviously) so I could empty my
account (It's a common practice of mine and Chris'... because... who
needs to
save for the future? NOT I! After all, saving for a supposed future
seems a little overly optimistic to me)... And we go bowling. Because,
what else is there? These
few photos should pretty much sum up our bowling experience:
 good luck us! (that's our gang symbol)
 go chris! nice form eh?
 OUCH!
 such a drama queen! gosh!
Anyway... after our sense of overwhelming dissapointment at both of our
inabilities to break 200 wore off, we went back to my house to
straighten chris' hair. He thought he could do it himself................
   Maybe he should leave it to the professionals. *flex*
 I like how one part of his bangs is longer than all the rest... very cool Chris.
Our next stop was of course somewhere with a dollar menu, because, if
you recall... that's all I can afford. The only decision was where
to spend our remaining time... now in our state of content McTopia. Mmmm,
double cheesburgers....
such a difficult choice..... and.. we go........
BOWLING!!! YESS!!!!!!... did we break 200?..... no... but we only got
to play 2 games... so our excuse is that we didn't have sufficient
warming time. Because... Chris and I really hit our bowling peak at
about game 67. At least that's our theory, some day we'll have the time
and money... and drugs... to be able to try it out.
Today's count: 20 days and inevitably rising...
| | |
| I've decided that I shall go 30 days eating only Carl's Jr Spicy
Chicken Sandwhiches. Why? Because I perhaps want to prove that America
is being fattened and prematurely killed by their fast-food filled
diet? NOPE!!! Because I'm a poor ass... and 99 cents a meal is all I
can afford...
Today started well. I decided to once more wait until the sun was
directly overhead to wake. After all... A.M. stands for "screw it,
let's sleep more"... there's no A in there... but there is an M.... so
it's not that big of a stretch. I drove way out to the other side of
town to pick up the music for the next philharmonic concert set which
starts in 2 days. We're doing Tchaikovsky's 4th symphony... which
consists mostly of really really high.... really chromatic notes
for the 1st violins. I just love when composers think to themselves
"You know what? I really want fast shrill notes in random sequence...
let's give it to the violins!" They do it because we're the only ones
that can. And by we... I mean me. And by me... I mean some other
orchestra not based in Fresno.
..... Oh, and then Brahms Piano Concerto no. 2.... and something else to fill time.
My first student arrived dissapointingly soon after I arrived home. I
barely had time to eat my two Spicy Chickens. (gosh!)... I love
that 3 of my 4 students on Mondays has ADD... at least only one throws
an H in between. But it's okay... because Anthony is my
favvvvvvvooooorrrrriiiittttteeee! (he reads my xanga *grimaces*).
There anthony, now go practice!
The high point of my 12 hours of conciousness had to have been my 2 1/2
hour orchestra rehersal for school (CSUF). Let's see.... 6 1/2
people showed up tonight. I'm not sure if the half is for the one that
came late... the fact that I'm only half paying attention... or I'm
just counting the missed notes overall (in which case 2 1/3 people
came). But it's all okay... because I made up for it by forgetting my
instrument. Yes, that's right... I'm so professional I didn't bring my
viola. I did bring my violin though... so it's all good.
I came home... greeted by WWE wrestling on the TV. My brother (23 btw)
seems to think it's the greatest thing ever invented (I can't remember
if it was Edison or Washington Carver). I have to keep myself from
watching, because it's one of those things, that no matter how much you
despise the idea of oiled up scantily clad musclemen pretending to hurt
each other, once you start watching.... you can't stop. It just SUCKS
you right in and you can't stop watching. Kinda like the Home Shopping
Network. They must send out some sort of pulse from the screen that
immobilizes your thumb on the remote.
Should I be able to actually FEEL my arteries harden? Because I think I can.
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